My morning kickoff with the Dark Rum
Woke up feeling groggy as hell today. Remembered I had that fancy Malin Goetz Dark Rum bottle sitting untouched since Christmas. Figured why not try using it properly instead of just sniffing the cap like last time.
First step – hunting down my roommate’s fancy cocktail gear under piles of takeout containers. Found the shaker but lost the strainer, so grabbed a cheap sieve instead. Threw in three ice cubes that tasted vaguely of freezer-burn pizza, whatever.
The mixing experiment chaos
Poured two glugs of the rum into my chipped IKEA tumbler. Smelled like caramel and burnt sugar, real nice. Added splash of cola but then panicked – was this even the right mixer? Texted my bartender friend Dave who replied “lmao u serious?”
- Tried it neat first – burned my throat like swallowing campfire smoke
- Added ginger beer – tasted like dentist office mouthwash
- Dumped in pineapple juice – finally tasted like vacation in a cup
Noticed the bottle says “best enjoyed slowly” so I paced myself watching three TikTok tutorials. Burnt two oranges trying to flambé them for garnish, settled for dropping in half a banana instead.
The magical transformation
This stuff totally flipped around 4pm. Sunlight hit the glass different – suddenly tasted like vanilla and warm wood instead of firewater. Music sounded better too, my sad apartment plants looked more vibrant.
Final verdict: best effects happen when you stop caring about being fancy. Pineapple juice + rum + ugly plastic cup = perfect combo. The expensive bottle felt worth it for once, though I’ll probably go back to cheap vodka tomorrow.
Pro tip: Don’t mix with tonic unless you want your mouth to feel like a lumberjack’s boot. The label lies.
